Dealing with other people's pregnancies

This is something I've been asked about a few times, and something I was just thinking about, so thought I'd share. In the months after Joshua's death, some people were hesitant to tell us they were pregnant in case they upset us, some tell us before anyone else because they want to tell us in person rather than on the grapevine. That really didn't bother me, I'm generally excited to hear about friends pregnancies. Ultrasounds were hard to look at, and baby showers were hard to go to, and still are. Joshua died 2 days after our baby shower, so baby showers just don't have that same level of fun anymore, memories of our loss just come flooding back.

The other thing that's hard to deal with is other people's loss, but for a slightly different reason - my heart just aches for them. A very close friend had an early miscarriage a few months ago, and my heart ached for her. Another good friend who has also had a rough year has just suffered a 2nd trimester loss, and it breaks my heart. I don't want anyone to ever feel the weight of loss like we did. I know a loss earlier in the pregnancy is probably a bit easier to deal with, but it's never easy, and once you start planning names, planning how the room will look, what you'll need, changes you'll need to make, and start thinking about the future they're going to have, it's so hard to have it all ripped away.

It's something that really affects you for a long time, and I think it's important for people to understand that.