Baby update

I'm 19 weeks today, and can't believe how fast it's flying by.

I feel like we haven't stopped for a good couple of months, there's always something happening.

So I'm just starting to feel little movements, but nothing too obvious yet. I've had all my screenings done now for down syndrome and other such conditions, and everything looks fine. I get a fetal echo next week where they check the baby's heart - I think this is a bit of a waste of time, because even if the baby has the same condition as me, it won't be obvious until late teens, early 20s most likely. But at least we can make sure the heart looks structurally fine otherwise.

Then early January we have the big anatomy scan where we will hopefully find out the sex of the baby, so that will be good.

Otherwise, things are just pottering along. I'm excited about this pregnancy, and not as nervous as I thought I'd be (yet), but still have that little nagging fear. I know all the bad things that can happen during a pregnancy now - not just cord accident like we had, but so many other things that can cause "fetal demise". While our odds for having a healthy baby are incredibly good, I can't help but be... I'm trying to find the right word... not quite worried, maybe just "less excited". I've lost the naivety we had the first time around, and I know that nothing is certain until you have a screaming baby in your arms.

I never quite know how to answer when people ask if it's my first child. I hate saying yes, because it makes me feel like I'm "forgetting" Joshua, and I hate when people tell me how wonderful pregnancy is, and tell me how I should be feeling, when they have no idea, but if I say no, they ask how old my other children are. I have no problem telling them Joshua was stillborn, but the other person generally gets quite uncomfortable - it's a great way to stop a conversation... So it's just depending on the person and the situation, but it's still proving to be an awkward question.