September 17. Today should have been Joshua's birthday. If things had have gone to plan, we would be at the hospital right now with our boy in our arms wondering how this breastfeeding thing is supposed to work.
Instead we went to Half Moon Bay, to the cliffs by the Ritz Carlton and released 2 helium balloons, one with a photo of Joshua on it as a memorial to him and to say good-bye. It's amazing how suddenly life can change. We'd planned so many things in our future that we were going to do with Joshua.
So today was sad, but I certainly wasn't as depressed as I thought I would be. I thought today would have a huge significance, but it turned out to be just another day.
We're definitely moving on and getting on with our lives. Physically I feel much better which I think helps. We went for a walk to downtown Mountain View yesterday to go to the markets, and I think we did about 1 1/2 hours of walking in total, and I felt fine.
Life goes on. I'm sure we'll still have bad days, and we'll shed more tears, but there's no use dwelling on what should have been. Andrew's back at work tomorrow, and I'll start doing more exploring with mum of the local area. I've also seen a job I'm interested in, so am thinking about applying for that.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Sad day
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4 comments:
I'm feeling so sad reading this. Despite being a father of two kids I think I cannot really fathom what emptiness you must feel right now.
I hope that things get back to normal over the next few weeks and months and you may have as many healthy kids in the future as you wish!
Cheers
Carsten
Sarah it was good to see a post from you today. I think of you everyday and hope you are able to cope.
Feel free to contact me when ever you need if you want.
Hugs to you both
Ronnie
Thanks Sarah.
This one is for Andrew.
Andrew I have just read your blog-sorry I don't understand any of that computer stuff-But you are a Dad. Sadly, you are a Dad without a baby.
The unfortunate thing is that life goes on. How unfair is that? You still have to go to work. You still have to eat. You still have to go to the shops. Talk to people that don't realise what has happened.
My best friend lost her first baby at 16 days old. Daniel would have been 15 this year and Paula said that the pain never goes away it just gets easier to deal with.
You were right when you said you are lucky to have good friends around you. That is very lucky for you both.
I hope I haven't overstepped the mark with this comment. It;s not my intention
Ronnie
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